In the wake of the atrocity of last week’s post, We offer a warm greeting to Our readers; We pray they will not judge Us harshly for the uncultured grammatical downfalls of the students the University doth thrust upon Us for instruction. Eliza Doolittle was not trained into a lady fit for society without much concerted effort on the part of Professor Higgins. Metaphorical references to antiquated, simplistic musicals aside, reality rarely measures up to one’s aspirations despite Our most sincere efforts. Woe be it that caning is no longer an acceptable method of instructing pupils upon the finer points of our language!
Alas, hope remains. None of Our other students have yet requested to tarnish Our blog with their low-brow prattlings and “Blingees.” Thus, today We would like to discuss something broader than the individual maker: a tool employed by perhaps as many as a quarter dozen contemporary artists who disseminate their creations through the YouTube.
Whilst the enlightened multitudes of Our peers have damned the technological revolution for removing artists from the physical source of their art, We have, to the contrary, adopted a progressive attitude which will certainly earn us the lambasting of other guardians of artistic sensibility. We have migrated to the digital plane through such superior technologies as those invented by Apple, and BrÃ¸derbund Software (now part of Software MacKiev, which has a far less interesting sounding name and will not be used going forward in this discussion). While BrÃ¸derbund is best known for their “Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing” program – a perilous adventure hearkening back to the late 80’s in which a female ethnic minority struggles in the urban office environment for dominance through mastery of the home row keys, the company is also responsible for a program known as “KidPix,” which has been assisting children, the artistically incapable, and the mentally deficient to express themselves since 1989.
But in the modern era, the subtleties of artistic expression are frequently overlooked not only by the public, but by the creators themselves. Exempli gratia: could We expect the uneducated layman to grasp the profound ethical questions posed by Our piece below?
320-401-8654“Untitled #88A: Grey on Grey
(Monochromatic Musings Upon 21st Century American Exceptionalism)”
Digital exposure on iPhone Camera, 2014
This minimalistic, ingenious work was captured after a night of indulging in fine spirits. The tracery of the Johnny Walker Blue Label Scotch across the wall of our apartment was created by the laws of nature interacting with the textured paint upon the surface. But the impassioned gesture of the artist (Our illustrious self) and the conscious decision to immortalize the image of it upon Our iPhoneâ¢ is what gives depth to this piece. Until the dawn of the abstract expressionist movement in this country, such a profound leap of thought would not have been understood and appreciated.
Therefore, We ask Our readers to consider the implications of works created with Kidpix, such as the following piece by an anonymous artist who goes by the mysterious name “brandonzuperPUPPYLEGOS2004″:
This artist is likely of a young age with poorly developed motor skills, yet with the assistance of KidPix3D they are able to channel intuitive conceptions about the egotistical consumerism that permeates the modern landscape into a tangible format. Consider, if you will, the Dadaist collage works of the last century. While the artists claimed to be against art and to have works devoid of traditional meaning, the culmination of elements creates an intuitive meaning within the viewer – a meaning that brandonzuperPUPPYLEGOS2004 is no doubt too naive to articulate without the assistance of BrÃ¸derbund.
KidPix3D also enables artists to produce animated works, or, as We prefer to term them: spontaneous digital fourth dimensional artifacts.
“Untitled (Animals of North America)”
KidPix Movie, Circa 2009
The resemblance of this piece to Vito Acconci’s 1972 “Seedbed” performance is striking, but given brandonzuperPUPPYLEGOS2004’s fragile young age, it is unlikely that he is familiar with the piece. We posit the theory that brandonzuperPUPPYLEGOS2004 is an artistic genius whose visions are too premature for the rest of the world to yet appreciate.
When we sent a private message through the YouTube to brandonzuperPUPPYLEGOS2004, the artist’s spokesperson expressed a profound distaste for the higher arts and even had the gall to imply that We might be romantically inclined toward the under-aged.
‘Tis a shame the artist was unavailable for comment. It would be invaluable to learn more of his background. Is his step-father a French chef? Does he have poor self image? What is his opinion on feminism and the rights of women abroad? Is this a reflection of the future anticipated by children born in the post-9/11 United States?
Alas, until brandonzuperPUPPYLEGOS2004 steps forward from under the protect wing of his guardian, his work will remain a mysterious hint at the decay that swarms around us.
KidPix Movie, Circa 2009
As a parting note, KidPix3D can even bring out the artist in the dimmest of us. Below is a work created by our least favorite student: Kaylee.
KidPix Movie, Circa 2014
A philosophical and non-discriminatory artistic medium, KidPix utilizes alphabetical ordering for its stock variety of backgrounds. Thus, the first grouping of maps in the list was Africa, and the proud country of Burkina Faso amongst the first options. This country caught the eye of Kaylee, who confided in me that she was intrigued by the blood diamond conflict in Africa. She is preparing for Chad, her boyfriend of 2.5 months, to propose to her, and has thus been uncharacteristically engaging in research on ethical sources of shiny rocks. Although Burkina Faso is not a source of blood diamonds, money from the trade is utilized to purchase weapons used for war in neighboring countries.
While we doubt Kaylee has a grasp of the political and socioeconomic challenges facing Burkina Faso, KidPix3D has empowered her to create a work that could cause even the most empathetically-detached amongst us to give pause.